Back then we didn’t have Google on hand to ask any questions that were bothering us
Ex-ECHO agony aunt Wendy Allen pictured in 1984(Image: Handout)
Wendy Allen, the ECHO’s former agony aunt, died this month at the age of 88. To mark Wendy’s passing, we decided to delve into the ECHO archives to read some of Wendy’s old columns from the 1990s.
The columns provide a fascinating insight into the social attitudes at the time – and they show just how much things have changed in the decades since. Wendy certainly didn’t pull any punches and was happy to share her views on everything from marital sex to corporal punishment.
She displayed a lot compassion in her columns, and in many ways she was liberal in her attitudes. However, she was very much a woman of her time, and this is reflected in some of her more brusque comments which probably wouldn’t pass muster in today’s world, but certainly make interesting reading.
People of all ages and genders contacted Wendy for advice – from teenagers to middle aged dads to great-grandmothers, united by a desire to be listened to and understood. Back then, of course, we didn’t have Google on hand to ask any questions that were bothering us. If we wanted advice from a stranger, agony aunts like Wendy were the first port of call.
Some of the letters sent in by ECHO readers are funny, while others are poignant. Many of them raise important questions and moral dilemmas that are still relevant today. We hope you enjoy reading them as much as we enjoyed compiling them.
Hubby won’t row
May 1997
DEAR WENDY: I am married to a man who won’t have a row. When he sees an argument brewing he takes himself off and won’t get involved. He comes back a while later as if nothing has happened.
I was brought up in a family that was always rowing, and I find his silence very hard to cope with. How do I get him to see that it is better for both of us to let off steam rather than bottle it up?
WENDY SAYS: You know, because your early experience showed you, that people can row and then make up. That was healthy. His experience must have been rather different. It could either be that he was brought up in a family where everyone sat on their feelings, because if they had let them out people could get hurt. So they never did. Or they did get angry, and it was such as frightening experience that he can’t take the chance of it happening with you.
Don’t accuse him of opting out. Don’t start a noisy argument. Your aim should be to resolve whatever is causing the irritation between you. Just try the softly, softly approach. That way you won’t frighten him off before you start to get down to the nitty gritty.
Sex on the rocks
May 1997
DEAR WENDY: We go through the motions of making love every Friday night and Sunday morning, regular as clockwork. I can’t tell you how boring it is. Before we got married nearly four years ago, for the first 18 months or so it was wonderful. Then it has been downhill all the way. How on earth do people who have been married for 20 years or more keep the sex side of the marriage alive? Or do they just give up on it?
WENDY SAYS: If it was good in the beginning, there is no reason why it shouldn’t stay good – but familiarity can bring contempt or complacency. You have to work at it to keep the spark. The secret of the long-term relationship is that every act of intercourse stands alone. One orgasm doesn’t detract from another. The end result each time should bring its own satisfaction.
What I suggest you do is to somehow bring a bit of variety into the timing our your love making. If you are tuning in, or trying to, to Friday night and Sunday morning, I can understand your lack of enthusiasm.
It’s rather like knowing your are going to have fish and chips on Fridays. You might feel like them on some other day of the week, but feel they are forbidden even though the shop is open. You are going to have to take the initiative and break the habit you’ve got into. If you can turn him on at some times, you can do it at others.
A classic ‘Ask Wendy’ column in the ECHO (Image: Liverpool ECHO)
How to attract a man
April 1998
DEAR WENDY: I am an unmarried, intelligent woman of 32. I hold down a responsible job, but there are two things I can’t do: I can’t give up smoking – and I eat things that I know will make me fatter than I already am.
Friends are surprised that I don’t drink alcohol at all, but that is easy because it makes me feel ill if I have so much as one glass of wine. So why am I so weak willed?
WENDY SAYS: If you can control the temptation to drink alcohol because of the consequences you suffer then you can stop yourself smoking. If you need help to stop the craving, talk to a pharmacist.
Why do you want to put on weight and make yourself less attractive? Are you trying to make sure you won’t attract a man? Think about it. But don’t tackle both problems at the same time. Best to stop smoking first.
A very long retirement
November 1998
DEAR WENDY: My husband is driving me round the bend. He sits watching TV every night, biting his nails. He acts like a two year old if you criticise him, ranting and raving then won’t speak for days. He has just retired and I gave up my evening job.
After 35 years I don’t think I can take much more. Apart from hiding behind the ECHO every night so I don’t have to look at him, have you any ideas?
WENDY SAYS: I am glad to see you have kept your sense of humour because you obviously need it. The question I am asking is why on earth you gave up your evening job? Just because he retired, did you have to?
The most practical solution would be for you to work in the evenings, or some of them. Then you wouldn’t be baby-sitting. As for a social life, if he declines to go out with you then get a friend to do so. Otherwise, you end up with both of you sitting miserably at home.
Something to chew on
February 1999
DEAR WENDY: I lost my purse which had £100 in it, my housekeeping for the week. When I told my husband he was sympathetic, but said if he reimbursed any of the money, then it would be him who had lost it and not me. Don’t you think he is being mean? Am I wrong to feel hurt by his attitude?
WENDY SAYS: Indeed you are not. What I suggest you do is silently call him all the names under the sun, and then cut his rations. A week of bread and jam should have some effect. With a bit of luck he will be stumping up after the first day.