When Orla Blackburn’s husband died aged 47, only weeks after his terminal diagnosis, she was left suffering ‘trauma and intense shock’. After Andy’s tragic death, she became a single mum to their four-year-old child, who had just started school.
The Wylde Green couple first met decades ago while travelling with friends, and they have been “inseparable” ever since. After the devastating cancer news, Orla, 48 at the time, stayed by his side, whether in hospital or at the hospice.
In the short 11 weeks between his diagnosis and death, the pair made the decision to marry, sharing a ‘beautiful’ hospice wedding on a rare day that wasn’t centred around ‘medicine, misery or illness’. And even while Andy had a tumour pressing on his spine and cancer filling his lungs, he would play with his young son until he physically couldn’t any longer.
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Whether it’s grief or poverty, health struggles or addiction, we want to highlight that change really is possible – from those with first-hand experience.
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After his death, Orla tried exercise and counselling in a bid to cope, but it wasn’t until she discovered yoga that she found a way to manage and process her emotions. Now 54, the mum has retrained as a yoga teacher and uses her skills to help a 4,000-strong community of young widows like herself.
Self-employed as a holistic widow guide, Orla offers a free online session every Sunday to those within the Widowed And Young group as a way of ‘giving back’ to those who supported her through the most difficult time of her life. Before Andy’s diagnosis, the textile designer had been working as Head of Creative for a cosmetic brand in a pressured, deadline-heavy job.
But after pressure to get back to work in the early stages of grief, and even when he was dying, she left the career and forged a new one to help others. “Andy died when our son had been in school just nine weeks, so I was really trying to juggle so many balls all at once,” she recalled.
Orla Blackburn and her husband Andy at their hospice wedding with their young son, who was four when he died
“I was in absolute trauma, such intense shock. My reaction to grief was to be numb. I just couldn’t relate to anything at all. I was getting a lot of pressure from my job, they kept asking me when would I be back.
“I was getting pressured while he was ill, and that just added to the overwhelm. I did approach the job to ask if I could work from home and come back gradually, and they said, ‘You better sort out your childcare; we’re not going to make any allowances’.
Andy, Orla and their son, who was four when they married in a hospice amid his cancer diagnosis
“In that year I wasn’t working, I started doing yoga and I discovered that was the thing that helped, that made me feel and be able to process my grief a little bit.” After putting work into herself, she took a different direction as a self-employed guide for other widows, meaning more time for their now 11-year-old son.
“I’m not saying my life is easy, but it’s how you approach it and how you cope with it that helps,” added Orla. “I would never have done anything like this before, I was very much a behind-the-scenes person. Doing all the work on myself after Andy died has really changed me into a much more positive person – even with all the things that make life difficult.
‘Kind soul’ Andy Blackburn, who sadly died 11 weeks after a terminal cancer diagnosis
(Image: Collect/Birmingham Live)
“It’s about finding what we can do, rather than what we can’t.” Journaling, short meditation, mindfulness and daily rituals are among Orla’s coping habits too. She’s also started a community of her own for people who want to “step forward from the grief.”
She explained: “You can’t get rid of your grief ever – but it’s about not letting it consume you or take over your life, and being able to build yourself back up again and find out who you are. When you’ve been with someone so long, you’re used to living your life as a double, it’s such a shock when every decision has to be yours.
“Even the way you eat, the way you sleep, holidays, everything changes, so it’s helping people to find their feet again and to find their strength and confidence.”
Orla Blackburn talks about her experience of becoming a widow, and the community in which she helps other widows and the bereaved
(Image: Nick Wilkinson/Birmingham Live)
For the last two years, Orla has also organised an in-person retreat in Derbyshire for widowed parents and their children. She added: “Knowing that you’re doing something that’s helping other people, there’s something very rewarding about that. Being a widowed parent is a particularly difficult role whether your child is neurodivergent or not.
“The retreat is in an activity centre, it’s basic accommodation, but it means they don’t have to cook, clean or do anything for this weekend. They get the respite with me by doing yoga, talking, and discussing how things are for them. The children are taken off and doing great outdoorsy activities.” Orla also offers yoga classes in Wylde Green outside of the widowed community for anyone to attend.
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Do you have an inspiring story to tell? We would like to hear your experience. You can contact us by emailing stephanie.balloo@reachplc.com