A former glamour model mum from Devon is crowdfunding for help to conquer her debilitating phobia of vomit that she fears could claim her life. Alex Sim-Wise, 43, from Torquay, suffers from emetophobia and says: “I am at a point where I think I might actually die if I don’t get help soon.”
Emetophobia is a condition that causes an overwhelming and intense anxiety about being sick. It has taken such a tight grip of her life that she now not only avoids most foods but also public places and daily activities. Her husband calls it “The Demon” due to the dark presence it has in her life.
She said: “I have had it since I was eight years old and it has been the one constant in what has been quite a tumultuous life. Emetophobia is more than just not liking sick, it is a deep fear that I live with and think about every second of every day, that causes compulsive intrusive thoughts and avoidant behaviour, a bit like OCD.
“My husband calls it ‘The Demon’ because it is a dark cloud, an insidious presence, and a cancer that, as it has grown, has negatively influenced my life and the lives of everyone I am close to.”
For many years Alex was a successful model, winning a competition for lads’ mag FHM while she was studying at university. Her life was a success and involved travel to exotic international locations. But she says the condition, once a psychological quirk that “kept me safe”, was always lurking. It now controls every element of her existence.
“It has gradually sucked all the pleasure and spontaneity out of my life and made my life tiny small,” she says. It started with her avoiding certain foods, but now extends to public transport, parties, schools, restaurants, boats, planes and basically anywhere with people.
“It’s sad because I do remember doing – and enjoying – quite a lot of those things and it’s silly because I know it is irrational and I do try and challenge it but as the phobia has grown, its voice has become stronger and louder than my own.
“I used to love travelling so so much but nowadays my phobia makes it basically impossible. It feeds on news articles and overheard snippets of conversations, every day adding to its list of forbidden things.
“All it takes is one person to mention a bad experience on a plane or for me to read a news article about norovirus and my whole trip is ruined, or cancelled, because I spend the whole time in my head worrying. The worrying is constant. It never stops and it is just so tiring to live with, especially since Covid.”
Three years ago, Alex featured in DevonLive and talked about her success on the adult site OnlyFans. She was in such demand that she made £250,000 welcoming her “darlings” to her page.
Alex Sim-Wise in her OnlyFans days appeared on Channel 4
(Image: Channel 4)
Alex says the money was pre-tax and cumulative over five years. She says part of the reason she did OnlyFans was because she did not have to deal with people directly. “You can be agoraphobic and do that job.”
She quit last year and now works as a baker. Every day she says her list of ‘safe foods’ gets smaller and smaller.
“I basically eat about five things and I can’t even go into the doctors about it because I am scared of catching an illness in the surgery,” says Alex. “Despite that I have been through the NHS many times with my phobia and I have tried lots of things to treat it: CBT therapy, EMDR, psychotherapy and exposure therapy, but nothing so far has helped, at least not long-term.
Alex Sim-Wise is battling emetophobia
(Image: DevonLive)
“So far all I know is that I have it as the result of childhood trauma and it is a safety seeking behaviour, because for periods of my early life I was either neglected or physically/emotionally abused and did not feel safe.”
She adds: “I am at a point now where I feel hopeless and I am experiencing suicidal ideation. I need intensive inpatient treatment, but as we all know the waiting lists on the NHS are huge and take years and I can’t afford to go private.”
Alex is trying to raise £6,000 for treatment at an “amazing inpatient centre in Oxfordshire” which specialises in phobias and trauma. “For the sake of my loved ones and my family I would love to go to and finally try and beat this thing. I don’t want to die but this phobia is slowly killing me and I feel like this facility might be my last chance at a normal life.”
The proceeds from her Gofundme would pay for one week’s residential care where she could start the journey of getting better.
“All I want is to be able to live without fear and do fun things with my family again,” she says. “To be able to go for a simple meal with them without worrying, to take my daughter on Nemesis, or go on holiday without having panic attacks and meltdowns.
“I understand that times are tough for everyone at the moment and that my timing is appalling but I really am at rock bottom and would appreciate any help whatsoever.
“If I can help raise awareness of the phobia then that can only be a good thing as I know lots of people suffer from it.”
You can visit the GoFundMe page here.